


SBURB Sim FAQ

by cosmicChronicler



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 18:00:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12940689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicChronicler/pseuds/cosmicChronicler
Summary: As a new player of the SBURB Sim, you might come to ask yourself...holy shit, is this a bug or a feature?This fucking thing truly is a product of next-level programming. Thank you, Shogun.





	1. WHAT THE FUCK IS SBURBSIM

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the folks over at the SburbSim Discord Server](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+folks+over+at+the+SburbSim+Discord+Server).



#### *///////////////*

#### [01A: Backstory]

#### *///////////////*

A long time ago, in a doomed timeline far far away, a SBURB player by the name (and also mythological role?) of Shogun of Sauce created the first version of the SBURBSim. How in the actual fuck did he actually code a Session Simulator? I don't fucking know. It is told in the community that his original session (colloquially known as Session Zero) was a Dead Session, and that it generated a whopping 144 planets rather than 16. Even more insane is the fact that he actually _won_ this thing. So, the way he tells it, the collected whole of himself and his 144 slaves were able to pull this thing out of their ass. Amazing, right?

The problem is that there is purportedly a great demon that originated during Session Zero - one formed by an amalgamation of souls and shitposts, made physical by sheer memetic energy encased in the Aspect of Mind: the Jaded Researcher and her Waste-Hand. It is said that she and the Waste-Hand lurk beyond the Veil, in the domain of the Horrorterrors, and infest both simulated sessions and real sessions with shitty memes and obscure references until it is utterly corrupted and broken. (See C04)

The Great Prophet, nobody, Embodier of the Dutton, has revealed to the SBURBSim community that some day, the Shogun and the Waste shall engage in Collision, with the Shogun's success being uncertain at best. He was promptly banned from the Discord server by Shogun himself. (See C04A)

#### *//////////////*

#### [01B: Preamble]

#### *//////////////*

So, here we are.

You're playing ( _is this even considered playing?_ ) the SBURB Session Simulator. Good shit. This means you either are playing **actual** SBURB and want some tips or you want to play actual SBURB (for some fucking reason. That game is a lot buggier than this shit.)

In any case, SBURBSim is a much safer way to forsee the events that shall come in your session's future. I mean, who needs lousy Seers and Sages when you can have this _totally accurate_ session simulator? **BUT WAIT! THERE ARE (VARIOUS) CATCHES!** And because of this, I figured that y'all might need something like this here document to help you to get through your Simming.

#### *//////////////*

#### [01C: The Basics]

#### *//////////////*

Alright. There isn't really too much to explain. I mean, the UI is pretty intuitive. Insert Class + Aspect, chum handle or equivalent, a couple of interests, a favorite number, Dream Moon and blood color, a couple of extra parameters, and BAM! Session simulated. But if you think that this is all that you need to know, then **OH BOY** , you got plenty of things to learn yet. First, if you're in the "ALPHA TIMELINE" version of the site, then immediately leave it and go to the "DOOMED TIMELINE" version. Just trust me. If you at all play SBURB at any point of your life, you **_will_** get stuck in a doomed timeline where absolutely everything goes wrong. Additionally, the head-programmer of the sim, Shogun, updates that version first. Something about "sim users not being able to diferentiate version bugs from doomed timeline shenanigans." Go figure.

Secondly, after inserting your players' info, you open up the AB "FIND DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THIS SESSION" extention (more on AB later). This will give you >= 10 versions of the session you want to simulate, up to the various hundreds. This might be actually useful, since the weirder and more specific stuff always gets locked away in these "weird versions" of sessions.

OK, now we'll get to the interesting stuff.

#### *///////////////////////*

#### [01D: The Low-Level Bugs]

#### *///////////////////////*

Hell Yes. **Hell.** **Fucking.** **_Yes._**

So, let's talk about superficial bugs here. If any at all of your players' usernames/chum handles/nicknames/etc. have diacritics, then Horrorterrors **will** invade the simulated session. This might seem minor, but oh man, if you're playing a session with a coplayer with the chum handle "abacinateDétraqué" and you go to sim it, only to end up seeing irreparable Horrorterror corruption, then you will fly off the fucking handle trying to find a way to fix it.

Then you discover it was a bug. Good shit.

If by any chance the sim believes that your Session is overtly long, then the simulation is also breaking. Too many combo sessions? breaks as well. Too much gnosis bullshit? the same. Every other update, Shogun tells us about this being Horrorterror influence on his code, or the "Waste interfering," but I really don't know how much we can actually trust that.


	2. Mythological Role Bullshit

#### *////////////////////*

#### [02A: What Isn't There]

#### *////////////////////*

If you're a SBURB noob, you might know 12 classes very well. Hell, maybe you're even familiar with some others - the Muse, the Lord, the Sage, etc.

But we're not here to talk about those.

You see, the people over at the SBURBSim community really have a knack for getting fucking bizarre Classes and Aspects. For some reason (bug?) most of these aren't represented in the Sim (though this might be a representation of their rarity.) If you need an example, look at the Shogun himself! **the Shogun of Sauce**. What does this even fucking mean? I don't know. Only played once with a Shogun. Apparently, it's a super powered-up version of the Lord Class (aka active out the ass), but that's about it. Might have something to do with transforming their Aspect into game code, but I don't really know. Sauce Aspect is a mystery. The Shogun never really talks too much about Session Zero, and when he does, it's rarely about himself and mostly about broken Dead Session Shenangigans. Never played with a Hero of Sauce.

There are also some more obscure Classes like the "Official Mayor" and the "Cod," but if the Shogun is mysterious, these ones are unknowable. 

Additionally, if you ever play with of as a Ward, Dame, Guard, Clown, Bane and some others, you'll be really happy to find out that those aren't included in the sim either (at least by version 4.13C). Same thing about many of the 24+ recorded Aspects.

At least the Dead Session simulator works.


	3. Dreaming Bullshit

#### *//////////////////*

#### [03A: Dream Moons]

#### *//////////////////*

Oh boy, here we go! 

You know, there were times when independently of your inputted Dream Moon, the sim would throw you in Derse. I actually assume that that's self-insertion rather than a bug, since it's common knowledge that Shogun was a Derse-Dreamer. Gladly, that's not an issue anymore. There are some shitty things about them though.

When you least expect it, your sim will break and say that one of the players is dreaming beyond the veil without any good reason. No dream bubbles, though. You shouldn't be overtly concerned with that being a thing that might happen in the actual session you're playing, since it's generally agreed it's the fault of lackluster programming, but it can also be a footprint of interference from the Jaded Researcher (see C01A and C04). Basically, watch your back.

You might also notice that a lot of events are repeating on the Dream Moons, and that quests sometimes work, sometimes don't, and often they aren't really there. Bug. Ain't nothing we can do about it, besides pester Shogun in the suggestion box.

#### *////////////////////*

#### [03B: Writhing in Pain]

#### *////////////////////*

\-----------------------------------------WARNING: HORRORTERROR CORRUPTION SUSPECTED------------------------------------

ţ̳̰̯͕̜o̢̜̰̻̺̥̻̕͞ ̧͝҉̜̳̳̙̱̯i҉̸͉͖̖̜͖̰̘n̢͎̥͈͖̳̫v̴҉͍̬̦o͚͉͙̖̟͓̜ͅk̞̘͎̥̗̳͓̕e͙̠͔͚̰̻͍̪̕͜͞ ̹̞̝̘̤͝t̨̪͍̭̗̰h̩͉͕͉̙̥̮͠e̼̲̗̹̟͖̦͘ ̧͔̦͞h̵̰̺̝̬̜̝̺͜ͅi̴̠͙̤v̧̡̰̙͔̞̮̹ę̺͙͚͔̬̟͡ṃ̜̦̮̘̘͘͞i̴̡̫̳͉̲̮̩̰̗͜n͏̝d̸̛̘͇͎̥͟ ͖͈̲̭̖͇̳̼͘͢r̬͡e̗͙͚̼͠p̶͏̩̹r̨̡͇͢e̷̲̥͔͖̤̙̼̞̟͡s͙͇͔e͏̦̙͝n̩̺̖̦̺̻t̬̙͍̥̟̻i͡҉̨̦̫̻̙̟͔n̡͖̻͠g̨͕̯̻̬̱̱̮̭͟͠ ͙̱͚̳̥̘͚̺͘m̮̟͕̰̯̠̙͢͞ȩ̴̱̱̺̝̳̮̟͎m̧̥̩̬e̡̥s̩̹  
̢̠̝͙͜i̴̪̤̲͟n͜͏̱̜̺̖̜̜̺̦͘v̺̩͙̭̩̱̞̥͓ơ̜̘̼̗̖k̷̦͎͕͕̮̜͝i̡̖̗̦̱͍̪n̶̷͍̣̩̱̯̠͡g͘҉͔̲̬̝̬̯̘͡ ̞̥͚͖̰̻͘ţ̡̦̱̼̯ͅh͙͇̣̝̰̮e̪̥ ̴̴̴̙̺̭̱̙͔̼̫w͏̗̥͚̼̜̯͍͜ơ̴͈͕̟͎̘̯r͢҉͍̦͙͈d̷̴̮͈̤̺̤͙s̠̗̳͚̥ ̱̱̱̫͍̯o̧̮͎͍͈̰̜͝f̷̬̖͚̥͓̤͍ ̡̨̛̟͇̟̹͉̣̘̹t̨̘͙̭̞̫̻̹̝̼h̩͓̯̜̜̼͔͞e̷̬̣͚͎ͅ ̸͞͏͖̯̫̝̱̫͈H̶̰̞̲̯͍̲͜ͅo̮̻̥͙͕̗r̺͕̰͜r̢͉̣̗̤̰̥̣ǫ̢͎̗ṛ̶̱̙͙͠ṭ̡̞̗̮͠e͏̧̹̪̰͈̜̭̩r̨̭r̡̤̠̻̠̦̘̻͘o̝͙̺̲͝r̸͖̬͓̘̼͕̭s̴͖̤̬̳̤  
̸͏̥̳̤̲̤w͏̙̰̹̰͉̘̫ͅi̵̳͎̝̰̖̲̯̼t̤̗̲͇̕ͅh̵̭͓͕͖̲͎̪͝o͡҉̢͕̺͚u̶͕̮͇ͅţ̻ ̬̳̦͠p͎̳͚ȩ̮̦̲̗̰͢a̶̹̪̱͇̜̗̻͇͎c̷̩̩͉͕͓̥͙ẹ̬͍͟ ͚̜̞̕o̗͇͕̱̪̗̥͟͞ͅr̝̠͔̪̗͡ͅ ̵̭͚͓͉ͅͅj̵̧̙͟ơ̷̩̳̩̬̕y̷͏̰̺̦̩̱͢  
̻͕̺͖̮ṱ̵͓̫̭̩̕h̢͏̣̦̞̙e̷̷͈̳̟̙̦͡ ̨͖̩͉̖̙̰d̴͚͔̻̭̖͈͚e҉̞̪͈͓̰m͖̞̙̞̥̥ǫ̡̹̹n͔̣̫̙͍̹̼͍͢ ̼̝͙̗̫̥̜͠͞ͅt͓̳̤͈̖͡h̡̛͏͖̹a̧̟̕ţ̵̹̥̱͍̲ ̛̬̙͞h̨̤̤͈̻͚͙͙̻̻̕o͙̝l̷҉̫̮̺d̷͎̟͇̹͎̩͝s̷̱̹ ̘̲͔͓̜͚̖p̡͚̘̦̫̲ͅo̖͇̣̜͓w͏̹̺̠̻͙͝ͅe͔̟r͓̻ ̛̣̼̪̫̼̕͢ͅo͚̭̫͟v̺͓̯̦̥̝e̥͎r̨͏͕̬̼̺̥̙͕ ̞̟̤̻t̢̘͍̠̫͇h̢̻̭͔͚̯e͏̞̳̺̩̳̬̩͇͠ ̟̼̝̠̝̻̺̳V̩̣̫̯̤ͅe̹̜̗̰̼̟̰̙i҉̤̺̞͉͖̠l̢̛̘̪̟̱̗͈͙͞  
̨̥͔͚̪͝ͅş̙̜̭̪̯̖̻͘h̵̘͉͖͕͈̼̞͜ḛ ̶̺͞w̛̛̥̭h̷͕̯͓̕o̷̰͉̰̯ ̡̺͉͎͔̺̺̩̱͍̕l̷̪̹͈̲̦͕͞ͅa͏̵̨͕̝̻͎̣̝y҉̡̖͉̰̥͚͇͙̜s̛̭̙̼͢ͅ ̛̛̝̬̭͍͠w̨̰̦̘͈a̡҉̳̦̠̣̦̤̫͜s̗t͈̱̮͉̼̼ͅe̡̻̟ ̢̱̬͔͙̳̜̱̤͜t̛̘̯̪ǫ̛̜̙̱̖̕ ̵̷̬͚̤̯̘̫s̢͍̰̻͢͞ȩ̯͎͍̱s̘̖̞̤ş̸̪̤͙i̲̮̣͡o̸̧͉̘̬n̷̞̼̯̫̟s̫̙͓̲ͅͅͅ ̲̬͈̤̞̲͔̕w̦̘̫̤̩̯i̴̘̣̺͖̙͇̰̘̕͝ͅt͎̖̥͖̺̩̰͜h҉̗͖̮̟̲͈͙̱o̸̦̝u̕͏̫͇̭̤͍͇̯̮̲t͍͈͙̣ ̡̝̼̖̤̱͚s̛̙̲̗̭͇̯̯̲͘h̨̰͖̹̘a̬̩m̵͚ͅę͏̪̝̻̩͕̯̬ ̵̟̘̳n̡̼͔͙̻̥̥̗o̦̼͈͔̭͘͟r̳͍̮͕ ҉̖̳̖r̷̹̲̜͚̙͉̮̮̮͟͡e҉̹̪̙̺̤̤̼̫̣m͏͖̜͉͍̗̤ǫ̱̗̻͙͍͝r̯̣̦͍s̝̙͚͚e̶̖̳̪͇̥͉ͅ  
̴̲̹͓͓͖̗͘J̸͕͓͓A̶̜̼͕͞D͙̟̯͢͝E̷̮̠̥D͏̳͢ ̸͙̩͎R̵̜̝̙̻̩E̺̠̹̹̮͓͙͠ͅS̥͉̲͈̙E̹̳̣̮͇͠͡A̺̘͕̣̟̻̬͉͍R̛̬̼̠̮̣̜͡C̠̥̣͘Ḩ̮̖̕Ę̩̞͔͓͕̗R̢̢̦̙͘  
҉̜̥  
̻̘̹̤̘͈͢T̷̪͈̰͓͕͈̘̝͡O̴̥͍͎̦̮͝U̷͕͔͖̙̙̰C̤̝̬̬̜̥͇̩̜H̸͏̢͕̪̹̩̮ͅ ͔̣̱͔̬̮N̞̫̱͠͠ͅO̠͈͜͜ͅT͎̗̺͖̜̙̥ ͇͇̱͕̜͇M͜҉͕͇̠̮Y͔̤͕ ̵̺̺̞͕̗̟̭̬D̠͉̭̞͔͝Ơ̧͈͖̞͟M̵̴͉̫̜̤A̷̛͚̲̲͎̬͡I̘͚̲͙N̬͓̼͜ͅ.̺̦̰


	4. Lore Bullshit Act 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've come to attention that most people who read this FAQ were also searching for some light on what actually happened in Session Zero and what is the Jaded Researcher and the WiP bug and whatever, so I'll be adding some Lore chapters here on out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With added input of (non-cosmic) chroniclers retroStrategist and gibberingPhilosopher, and quoting the Prophecy of the Dutton Embodier nobody.

#### *///////////////////////*

#### [04A: nobody's Prophecy]

#### *///////////////////////*

_I saw Shogun's Dreams in Solitude._  
He writhed in pain, alone in a palace beyond the Veil.  
His army followed him not, and he carried naught but his computer,  
its folders filled with memes, a challenge against her specialty,  
and the heads of the Waste-Hand, taken from its members at the cost of all of the 144 Slaves. 

_I saw the Shogun's suitor wrapped in turquoise, her claws hungering for blood._  
She awaited the Shogun's arrival alone, the Waste-Hand not beside her.  
Painted on the walls of her abode were thousands of shitty macros from 2008, a symbol of her supremacy. 

_It was in this grim battlefield that the Ultimate Showdown would be fought._  
Near some pigeons.  
They were no strangers to love, and surely would never give up. 

_The fight would last for a century, and, in the end...  
Well, it doesn't even matter._

#### */////////////////////*

#### [04B: Jaded Researcher]

#### */////////////////////*

As mentioned in Chapter 1A, Jaded Researcher is an entity originated during Session Zero which both resides in and holds complete control over the Veil and What Lays Beyond. It is theorized that she also reigns supreme over all Horrorterrors, commanding them to invade and corrupt sessions, both real and simulated. Her preferred method of corruption is by taking players from their Dream Moons into the Veil and disabling Dream Bubbles. Alone and in pain, they are exposed to an endless wave of shitty memes until they die. How is this know? A mystery. Many of these truths are attributed to (by now non-existant) remarks made by nobody in the Discord Server, though they also might be a manifestation of Ultra-Gnosis coming from the Maid of Hope (retroStrategist). Additionally, it's common knowledge that she interacts quite a lot with the SBURBSim community, attempting to cause chaos and widespread confusion. What she didn't expect to find out, however, was that this community is **_fueled_** by chaos and widespread confusion.  


Ha. Suck it, Veil-Demon.  


As mentioned (indirectly) within the Prophecy, JR has a connection with winged beasts, more specifically pigeons. Legends say that the Phoenix that long ago met the Dutton in mortal combat was in fact a flaming pigeon under her control. The reason of her causing this encounter are, as of yet, still unknown.  


#### */////////////////////*

#### [04C: The Waste-Hand]

#### */////////////////////*

Have you ever read Berserk? Do you know about the God-Hand from Berserk? Yeah, it's just about the same thing here.

The Waste-Hand is comprised of several sub-demons (ideasWranglers) who serve the Jaded Researcher's will blindly. Every ideasWrangler is different, and holds domain over a certain Aspect. It is told in Discord Server Apocrypha that every ideasWrangler was once a player that survived JR's personal session invasion, and was thus gifted with power beyond understanding and her protection, under the condition of their complete subservience to her. Now, the ideasWraglers are but a shadow of their human selves, left with their mind broken and with the sole desire to expand their master's sovereignty.

Many of them also interact regularly with the community, though they are much more secretive, with Shogun only discovering some of them after they had already caused extensive damage to the sim's code.

ideasWranglers, however, are not the only members of the Waste-Hand; in fact, they are the lowest in the Wasted Hierarchy. Above them are the fabled roleBeholders, Princes of Chaos and Destrucion gifted with powers of both Space and Time, alongside with their original Aspect. These are so powerful and inhuman that some players that visited the Veil in dream believed them to be Horrorterrors. Some of them, in fact, invade sessions by themselves, and are given command over a few Horrorterrors of their own. They almost never interact directly with the community, but do indeed do so indirectly, through specific envoys recruited in the shady lands of reddit.

#### *//////////////////*

#### [04D: The Architect]

#### *//////////////////*

\-----------------------------------------WARNING: HORRORTERROR CORRUPTION SUSPECTED------------------------------------


End file.
